"Red Hook Old Factory" (2014), acrylic and ink on canvas, 16 x 12 in. S$400
When I lived in Brooklyn, I worked with a handmade leather accessories designer in his studio in Red Hook. This is a neighborhood in Brooklyn consisting of refurbished factories and warehouses that have been converted into beautiful quaint loft apartments. One of the things I loved about working there - I felt like I had entered a whole different world, one that I wanted to belong to, but somehow didn't feel like I could. First of all, I had no real art experience: I was a toddler of an artist, I had no training in art, design or related fields, and my artist voice was nonexistent. I basically didn't feel like I could call myself an artist so why was I even there to begin with? And second, as much as I wanted to belong, I was constantly being treated like an intern (running the boss' errands, walking his dog, picking up his groceries) and I felt my already wavering artist identity become less and less apparent.
Looking back now, more than 2 years later, I've realized a few things. 1) My boss didn't need me, and the fact that he gave me a chance just based off of the 4 assignments from my Intro to Drawing Class in Songwriting college was already a great privilege in and of itself. 2) Call it fate, destiny or whatever, but I ended up there for some reason. Maybe it was to give me a glimpse of the life I always desired but hadn't dared to pursue - the creative work environment, the artistic personalities I worked with, and the passion and dedication it takes to craft something beautiful and of value. 3) I was the one who didn't feel I belonged. No one else made me feel that way but me.
If I could go back in time as myself now and have a little chat with myself then, here's what I would say:
1. Be appreciative of the opportunities that come your way.
Be open and embrace them fully. Engage all your senses and be present in those moments. Because though a day can feel like a drag sometimes, 5 months can pass in the blink of an eye, and you'll wonder later on how did you just let all that time go. Immerse yourself in your surroundings because you'll never know when you'll be given such an opportunity again.
2. Learn what matters from the people around you. Choose to see and accept them as they are.
I'm not saying to copy others, but more like learn what matters. Ask them about their experiences. Ask for advice. Pay attention to how they carry themselves and interact with others, and pick up on what works and what resonates with you. And when you do all that, intentionally put aside your own judgments and projections and just see people as they are.
My boss has worked for many years at his trade, testing out and failing, and constantly working at it until he finally perfected something which is what he has created today. He used to abuse drugs and alcohol in his 20s, and there were times he couldn't pay his rent even for a crappy basement apartment, but he managed to get through those difficult times to where he is today. There was a lot I could have learned from him, but instead I projected my father onto him and ended up shutting him off. As for my co-workers, I was always envious because they seemed so sure about their artistic identities, and they were very talented, and in many ways they seemed to have the artist's life I always dreamed of. But focusing on all that didn't enable me to see how they spent their after-work hours plying away at their own jewelry making, and how they are constantly seeking opportunities to network and collaborate with others to showcase their work.
3. Even when you don't feel you belong, choose powerfully to show up and be there anyway.
If you're where you want to be, but for some reason feel you are not good enough or talented enough or artistic enough or whatever, choose powerfully to be there anyway. A lot of times the feelings of unworthiness or uncertainties are merely our own projections and not the reality.
I thought that my co-workers didn't accept me because I was a new artist and didn't have much experience etc., but I realize now that it was just my own thinking. They were actually very friendly loving and accepting people, and because I thought they didn't like me, I had created my own barriers to really getting to know and accept them as they are.
I hope this post has been helpful to you in handling the opportunities that come your way! Feel free to share with your friends and/or comment below :)
Work-in-progress images:
Completed:
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