"Brooklyn rooftops" (2014), acrylic and ink on canvas, 16x12 in.
On a similar tangent from yesterday's post "Letting go", I'm thinking today that I have an attachment to a particular place - Brooklyn NY. Well, the whole New York City actually.. I lived in Brooklyn in mid 2011 to mid 2012, and I have many attachments there. For one, who doesn't love New York? It's one of the most amazing cities in the world - rich in history, international cultures, and the literary and performing arts. And it's also a city that never sleeps. You can find 24 hour diners everywhere, and some of the subway lines run all night (with less frequency of course). I loved being there. Being there made me feel like I was really an artist and anything is possible, and my artist dream would happen soon.
And of course a significant part of my recent tragic real-life romance drama took place while I lived there. He's a New Yorker of Latino descent, and I really was crazy about him (still am in some ways, to be frank). I'm pretty sure on an less conscious level, I moved to New York in the hopes that things would have worked out between us. As a consequence, I have many not so happy memories of being in the city of my dreams.
So.. what is this post really about? I guess what I'm saying is that a part of me is still in New York, wondering what it'd be like if I had taken up more opportunities, if I had lived further away from him, if I had come out of my comfort zone more. I'm still attached to the possible outcomes I could have had, the places I could have explored, and the connections I could have made. Knowing what I know now about myself, I would like to go back and redo a lot of my time there.
But I was not present while I was there, and thinking about what could have been keeps me from being present where I'm at now.
Most of us are intellectually aware that the only real time we have is NOW, and maybe the next few minutes. The past is gone, the future is unknown, yada yada... But why is it so difficult to live in the present? Why do we waste the time we have now on things that don't really matter to us, only to look back later and wish we'd done it all differently? Why do we invest our time and energy into things that don't bring us forward in life? What are your attachments, your baggage that keep you from fully experiencing your life right here right now?
Here's what I've learned about being present.
1. Let go of your attachments
Examine, acknowledge and choose to let go of your attachments to the past, and to worries of the future.
My attachment to New York is due to the incomplete romance I had there (which was still going on until recently), and that I didn't fully experience living in that city. I wish I had traveled more, sought out more chances to interact and learn from other artists, and come out of my comfort zone. I acknowledge that New York has a certain charm that attracts artists like myself, but I don't have to be in such a place in order to make my artist dream come true. When I first returned to Singapore, I was very sad and reluctant, but now I'm choosing to stick around for other bigger reasons.
2. Consciously choose to be here in this moment, wherever you are now.
Engage as many of your senses as possible. Open your eyes and take in the colors around you, how the sunlight comes in through the window, how it falls upon your loved one's face, how the sky looks. Listen to what's around you - the birds outside, the traffic going by, people's voices. Feel using all parts of your body - the ground under your feet, the chair you're sitting on, the materials against your skin.
3. Ask yourself: What can I do now that will take me forward in the next few minutes?
If all you have left is a few minutes, how will you spend that time? Who will you spend that time with? Will you finally do something that you really want to do or waste it again on something that doesn't really matter?
4. Go do it!
I'm not saying that the usual mundane day-to-day stuff isn't important - it's just that we keep thinking we always have time LATER to handle what really matters to us, but the truth is we really only have NOW. So take the next few minutes and go do whatever it is!
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