3 lessons I learned from working in fashion design in New York.

"Red Hook Old Factory" (2014), acrylic and ink on canvas, 16 x 12 in. S$400

When I lived in Brooklyn, I worked with a handmade leather accessories designer in his studio in Red Hook. This is a neighborhood in Brooklyn consisting of refurbished factories and warehouses that have been converted into beautiful quaint loft apartments. One of the things I loved about working there - I felt like I had entered a whole different world, one that I wanted to belong to, but somehow didn't feel like I could. First of all, I had no real art experience: I was a toddler of an artist, I had no training in art, design or related fields, and my artist voice was nonexistent. I basically didn't feel like I could call myself an artist so why was I even there to begin with? And second, as much as I wanted to belong, I was constantly being treated like an intern (running the boss' errands, walking his dog, picking up his groceries) and I felt my already wavering artist identity become less and less apparent. 

Looking back now, more than 2 years later, I've realized a few things. 1) My boss didn't need me, and the fact that he gave me a chance just based off of the 4 assignments from my Intro to Drawing Class in Songwriting college was already a great privilege in and of itself. 2) Call it fate, destiny or whatever, but I ended up there for some reason. Maybe it was to give me a glimpse of the life I always desired but hadn't dared to pursue - the creative work environment, the artistic personalities I worked with, and the passion and dedication it takes to craft something beautiful and of value. 3) I was the one who didn't feel I belonged. No one else made me feel that way but me.

If I could go back in time as myself now and have a little chat with myself then, here's what I would say:

1. Be appreciative of the opportunities that come your way. 

Be open and embrace them fully. Engage all your senses and be present in those moments. Because though a day can feel like a drag sometimes, 5 months can pass in the blink of an eye, and you'll wonder later on how did you just let all that time go. Immerse yourself in your surroundings because you'll never know when you'll be given such an opportunity again. 

2. Learn what matters from the people around you. Choose to see and accept them as they are.

I'm not saying to copy others, but more like learn what matters. Ask them about their experiences. Ask for advice. Pay attention to how they carry themselves and interact with others, and pick up on what works and what resonates with you. And when you do all that, intentionally put aside your own judgments and projections and just see people as they are.

My boss has worked for many years at his trade, testing out and failing, and constantly working at it until he finally perfected something which is what he has created today. He used to abuse drugs and alcohol in his 20s, and there were times he couldn't pay his rent even for a crappy basement apartment, but he managed to get through those difficult times to where he is today. There was a lot I could have learned from him, but instead I projected my father onto him and ended up shutting him off. As for my co-workers, I was always envious because they seemed so sure about their artistic identities, and they were very talented, and in many ways they seemed to have the artist's life I always dreamed of. But focusing on all that didn't enable me to see how they spent their after-work hours plying away at their own jewelry making, and how they are constantly seeking opportunities to network and collaborate with others to showcase their work. 

3. Even when you don't feel you belong, choose powerfully to show up and be there anyway.

If you're where you want to be, but for some reason feel you are not good enough or talented enough or artistic enough or whatever, choose powerfully to be there anyway. A lot of times the feelings of unworthiness or uncertainties are merely our own projections and not the reality.

I thought that my co-workers didn't accept me because I was a new artist and didn't have much experience etc., but I realize now that it was just my own thinking. They were actually very friendly loving and accepting people, and because I thought they didn't like me, I had created my own barriers to really getting to know and accept them as they are.

I hope this post has been helpful to you in handling the opportunities that come your way! Feel free to share with your friends and/or comment below :)

Work-in-progress images:

 

Completed:

 

Living in the NOW: 4 steps to being present.

 "Brooklyn rooftops" (2014), acrylic and ink on canvas, 16x12 in.

On a similar tangent from yesterday's post "Letting go", I'm thinking today that I have an attachment to a particular place - Brooklyn NY. Well, the whole New York City actually.. I lived in Brooklyn in mid 2011 to mid 2012, and I have many attachments there. For one, who doesn't love New York? It's one of the most amazing cities in the world - rich in history, international cultures, and the literary and performing arts. And it's also a city that never sleeps. You can find 24 hour diners everywhere, and some of the subway lines run all night (with less frequency of course). I loved being there. Being there made me feel like I was really an artist and anything is possible, and my artist dream would happen soon.

And of course a significant part of my recent tragic real-life romance drama took place while I lived there. He's a New Yorker of Latino descent, and I really was crazy about him (still am in some ways, to be frank). I'm pretty sure on an less conscious level, I moved to New York in the hopes that things would have worked out between us. As a consequence, I have many not so happy memories of being in the city of my dreams.

So.. what is this post really about? I guess what I'm saying is that a part of me is still in New York, wondering what it'd be like if I had taken up more opportunities, if I had lived further away from him, if I had come out of my comfort zone more. I'm still attached to the possible outcomes I could have had, the places I could have explored, and the connections I could have made. Knowing what I know now about myself, I would like to go back and redo a lot of my time there.

But I was not present while I was there, and thinking about what could have been keeps me from being present where I'm at now.

Most of us are intellectually aware that the only real time we have is NOW, and maybe the next few minutes. The past is gone, the future is unknown, yada yada... But why is it so difficult to live in the present? Why do we waste the time we have now on things that don't really matter to us, only to look back later and wish we'd done it all differently? Why do we invest our time and energy into things that don't bring us forward in life? What are your attachments, your baggage that keep you from fully experiencing your life right here right now?

Here's what I've learned about being present.

1. Let go of your attachments

Examine, acknowledge and choose to let go of your attachments to the past, and to worries of the future.

My attachment to New York is due to the incomplete romance I had there (which was still going on until recently), and that I didn't fully experience living in that city. I wish I had traveled more, sought out more chances to interact and learn from other artists, and come out of my comfort zone. I acknowledge that New York has a certain charm that attracts artists like myself, but I don't have to be in such a place in order to make my artist dream come true. When I first returned to Singapore, I was very sad and reluctant, but now I'm choosing to stick around for other bigger reasons.

2. Consciously choose to be here in this moment, wherever you are now.

Engage as many of your senses as possible. Open your eyes and take in the colors around you, how the sunlight comes in through the window, how it falls upon your loved one's face, how the sky looks. Listen to what's around you - the birds outside, the traffic going by, people's voices. Feel using all parts of your body - the ground under your feet, the chair you're sitting on, the materials against your skin.

3. Ask yourself: What can I do now that will take me forward in the next few minutes?

If all you have left is a few minutes, how will you spend that time? Who will you spend that time with? Will you finally do something that you really want to do or waste it again on something that doesn't really matter?

4. Go do it!

I'm not saying that the usual mundane day-to-day stuff isn't important - it's just that we keep thinking we always have time LATER to handle what really matters to us, but the truth is we really only have NOW. So take the next few minutes and go do whatever it is!