7 Ways to Love Yourself Every Day

PenguinGirl learns about self love and loves herself.

Lately I’m starting to realize that my existence thus far has been a long drawn-out quest for Self-Love. Up until 3 years ago, I didn’t have a clue what Self-Love is, but ever since I found the courage to plunge into my artist dream by organizing my first solo exhibition, I’m learning a little more about how my previous perceptions of Self-Love are far from accurate. It would take another entire blog post to define what Self-Love is and isn’t, and I don’t believe I’m at the right place to shed some light on that at this time. Instead, I’ll share a few of my realisations and ways to show yourself a little love every day!


1) Exercise regularly

I used to tell myself that I’m not an athlete, that I suck at sports, and exercising is something simply not for me. I remember back when I was in secondary school and we had to be tested on our physical fitness and based on their standards I barely passed every single year. I hated it. I hated being the person who comes in last at the end of a 2.4km run. I hated that as much as I tried I couldn’t push myself to be faster or to hang on longer and beat my own personal record (which everyone else was beating easily). To be honest I was quite resigned about the state of my physical fitness and instead of trying to work at it regularly and get better, I told myself I was simply not athletic and will never be that way.

For the past 2 months I’ve been working out an exercise habit (pun intended). I jog about 3-5km twice a week, and I have a routine of strengthening exercises that I get on almost every day. Sure it was tough at first, and in the beginning I could barely do 20 push-ups (with my knees to the ground), but now I can do 50 at one go and I can run 5km without stopping for a little over 30 minutes. It may not seem like much to most people, but for someone who typecast herself as the not-athletic sort and would never be so, it’s definitely been a lifestyle improvement.


2) Follow a healthy diet system that works for your life

From all the dieting fads out there that I’ve attempted and read about, I've learnt one very important thing: If you want to have a healthy diet, it’s really about finding a system that will work for your life. So if you decide to do 5-6 small meals a day but your daily schedule is always irregular and you keep missing your meal times, find another system that complements your schedule. Or if you’re not good with details, then counting calories would be a bad idea. Ultimately you want to find a system that is easy to follow and incorporate in your life, and that will help A LOT with building the discipline you need to sustain it.

For myself, Intermittent Fasting (IF) has been the most effective so far. IF is based on the premise that you go without food for an extended period of time (fasts), such that your body can finish burning off the carbs you’ve accumulated from your meals and start burning your fat reserves. So my eating window is from 10.30am to 8.30pm daily, and during my fasts I drink only water. There are, of course, the occasional days where I catch up with friends over supper or later-at-night drinks but generally I keep this pattern 5-6 days a week. IF works for me because it’s a very easy system to follow, and it has allowed me to curb my bad habit of snacking late at night (which is probably how I’ve gained weight in recent years haha).


3) Do something that tests your limits (ie. outside your comfort zone)

You’ve probably come across this saying: “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Some people may wonder why anyone would want to do that - like isn’t life difficult enough as it is; why add on more stress? However, it's only when you push your limits that you get to see what you are made of. Adversity in life is inevitable, and even if your life is generally smooth sailing, you'll never know what kind of shit will hit your fan. So I believe it's better to intentionally test your limits and rise to the challenge way before life forces you unexpectedly into a chaotic situation.

Earlier this year, as part of a program on leadership, I completed a marathon hike of 46km... TWICE in one weekend. Fortunately for me I had started hiking from an adventure trip in the U.S. I did earlier in 2012, so I was already somewhat physically adapted to walking long distances. Or so I thought. Little did I know that with long distance hikes, it goes beyond testing your physical limits. It reaches a point where getting through it depends on your ability to persevere one painful step at a time, and how you can support your team mates to ensure they get to finish line together with you.


4) Pick up a new skill or hone an existing one

Off a similar vein, learning a new skill not only tests your limits, but also expands your perspectives and general knowledge. As an untrained artist, I've been drawing and painting in my own way, and it's resulted in somewhat of a recognizable style but it has its limits. Hence I decided to really work on my drawing skills and follow a structure as taught by mentor. Since we started 2 months ago, I've finished 3 classic books on drawing and suddenly all the basic principles of drawing which I intuitively somehow knew before just totally made sense.


5) Spend an hour with yourself by yourself every day

When you meet the most awesome boy or the most beautiful girl and they love you back, you want to spend time with them, getting to know them better and connecting with them. Well, your self is no different from your romantic partner; in fact, your self is more important than your partner because partners will inevitably leave you (when the relationship or one of you dies), but you will be with you for the rest of your life. So isn't it worth the investment to spend time connecting with yourself and getting to know yourself better?

I try to incorporate an hour of self-time daily, and I've noticed that on the days I do spend that time, I'm more connected to my larger vision for my life, and clearer about what I need to work on in the short term to better position myself for the long run. Usually I spend the hour journaling for about 30 minutes, which really helps to sort out my thoughts and reflect upon what's going on in my life. The rest of the time I have a chat with myself and make sure I'm clear about my goals, or sometimes I fold in exercise time and go for a jog.


6) Journal first thing when you wake up

When you wake up, your mind is fresh and ready to kick start your day. But many people spend their mornings rushing to get to work, checking their emails or Facebook updates, reading the newspaper.. and basically not making the most of this critical time to set the right tone for the whole day. When you first wake up, your mind has spent the whole sleep time sorting out what happened the day before - your learnings and lessons, your emotional state, and sometimes you get dreams that still linger for a little while. Journaling in the morning helps to align oneself such that all these thoughts can be integrated, in order to bring you clarity for the new day's work according to your bigger goals.

I first came across this concept when I worked through Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way". She called it the Morning Pages, where as creatives we need to spend 20-30 minutes each morning writing at least 3 pages. I've gotten many creative ideas while practicing these Morning Pages, and especially now that I'm getting into the habit of blogging weekly, these journals have been a way to track the current themes in my life and my learnings and realizations. In fact, this blog post was birthed from my recent journaling and recorded realizations.


7) Get enough sleep and make sure you end your day such that you maximize those sleeping hours

I'm not going to say what's "enough" sleep, because that's really up to you to figure out what's enough for you. Only you can know how much energy you need for all your tasks so plan your sleep accordingly to make sure you get through each day in the best possible manner. What I do want to stress is the importance of winding down intentionally. Which means scheduling your sleeping hours just like any other appointment or task in your day and sticking to it. Not only that, it’s also about completing your evening such that when you get into bed, it’s really about lying down, closing your eyes and going to sleep and not to continue working on something until you fall asleep.


So there you have it, some of the ways to love yourself daily such that you can get closer to achieving your goals in life! If you have other suggestions on ways to love yourself, feel free to comment below, or send them to me at penguingirlart@gmail.com. Have a great week everyone, and remember to FLY (First Love Yourself)!
 

3 lessons I learned from working in fashion design in New York.

"Red Hook Old Factory" (2014), acrylic and ink on canvas, 16 x 12 in. S$400

When I lived in Brooklyn, I worked with a handmade leather accessories designer in his studio in Red Hook. This is a neighborhood in Brooklyn consisting of refurbished factories and warehouses that have been converted into beautiful quaint loft apartments. One of the things I loved about working there - I felt like I had entered a whole different world, one that I wanted to belong to, but somehow didn't feel like I could. First of all, I had no real art experience: I was a toddler of an artist, I had no training in art, design or related fields, and my artist voice was nonexistent. I basically didn't feel like I could call myself an artist so why was I even there to begin with? And second, as much as I wanted to belong, I was constantly being treated like an intern (running the boss' errands, walking his dog, picking up his groceries) and I felt my already wavering artist identity become less and less apparent. 

Looking back now, more than 2 years later, I've realized a few things. 1) My boss didn't need me, and the fact that he gave me a chance just based off of the 4 assignments from my Intro to Drawing Class in Songwriting college was already a great privilege in and of itself. 2) Call it fate, destiny or whatever, but I ended up there for some reason. Maybe it was to give me a glimpse of the life I always desired but hadn't dared to pursue - the creative work environment, the artistic personalities I worked with, and the passion and dedication it takes to craft something beautiful and of value. 3) I was the one who didn't feel I belonged. No one else made me feel that way but me.

If I could go back in time as myself now and have a little chat with myself then, here's what I would say:

1. Be appreciative of the opportunities that come your way. 

Be open and embrace them fully. Engage all your senses and be present in those moments. Because though a day can feel like a drag sometimes, 5 months can pass in the blink of an eye, and you'll wonder later on how did you just let all that time go. Immerse yourself in your surroundings because you'll never know when you'll be given such an opportunity again. 

2. Learn what matters from the people around you. Choose to see and accept them as they are.

I'm not saying to copy others, but more like learn what matters. Ask them about their experiences. Ask for advice. Pay attention to how they carry themselves and interact with others, and pick up on what works and what resonates with you. And when you do all that, intentionally put aside your own judgments and projections and just see people as they are.

My boss has worked for many years at his trade, testing out and failing, and constantly working at it until he finally perfected something which is what he has created today. He used to abuse drugs and alcohol in his 20s, and there were times he couldn't pay his rent even for a crappy basement apartment, but he managed to get through those difficult times to where he is today. There was a lot I could have learned from him, but instead I projected my father onto him and ended up shutting him off. As for my co-workers, I was always envious because they seemed so sure about their artistic identities, and they were very talented, and in many ways they seemed to have the artist's life I always dreamed of. But focusing on all that didn't enable me to see how they spent their after-work hours plying away at their own jewelry making, and how they are constantly seeking opportunities to network and collaborate with others to showcase their work. 

3. Even when you don't feel you belong, choose powerfully to show up and be there anyway.

If you're where you want to be, but for some reason feel you are not good enough or talented enough or artistic enough or whatever, choose powerfully to be there anyway. A lot of times the feelings of unworthiness or uncertainties are merely our own projections and not the reality.

I thought that my co-workers didn't accept me because I was a new artist and didn't have much experience etc., but I realize now that it was just my own thinking. They were actually very friendly loving and accepting people, and because I thought they didn't like me, I had created my own barriers to really getting to know and accept them as they are.

I hope this post has been helpful to you in handling the opportunities that come your way! Feel free to share with your friends and/or comment below :)

Work-in-progress images:

 

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