Paintings in progress for my second solo exhibition, 2014.
A little over a week ago, I decided it was time to have my second solo exhibition. To be honest, I've been putting this off for months out of FEAR - fear that nobody would come to my second solo show or buy my art. You see, there's something you may or may not know about me - I tend to believe in general that I'm not good enough to deserve success or things going well in my life. So I'm worried of finding out that I have no real artistic talent, and that my first solo show was a success only because it was the first and most of my friends/family hadn't expected me to go down the artist's path. In other words, it was simply beginner's luck and I'm simply not meant to be an artist. YIKES! (This is normally where I go and watch TV and escape into lala land...)
I recently posted on Facebook about asking a stranger out for coffee, which is by far my most popular post to date. (Quick update: No follow up, I kinda got busy and forgot about him haha). The thing that gave me that extra push to just go talk to him and ask him out was this:
I asked myself:
How long more do you want to wait before you do what you really want to do? How much time do you think you have left?
And if you don't do this now, then when?
This second solo show is something I eventually have to face anyway, since I've committed to walk the artist's path. And if I don't do it now, how long more do I want to wait? How will everything else I have intended for my artist career in the next 5 years happen if I keep avoiding this one thing?
So armed with my paintbrushes, canvas, imagination, and a whole lot of impulse and guts, I jumped on the opportunity that my friend and life coach Carina presented - to coach me on a 4-week long project that would lead to the creation of this long awaited second solo show. From our first coaching session in at 1a.m. on August 26 (yes, she is a very dedicated coach!), I uncovered what this project is going to be about... "The Adventure of Finding Who I Am".
A few months or maybe even a year ago, another friend and life coach Kunqi posted this on her Facebook wall:
"What if I told you, in order to find out who you are, you have to find out who you are not and try to be a lot of different things including who you are not to find out who you are. And in the process, you'll find that you don't mind being who you are not and it really doesn't matter who you are. Question is, do you know where you wanna go?"
I copied and pasted it on a virtual sticky note on my Macbook, and it's still there to this day:
So I've spent nearly 3 decades of my life following what I think my parents expect of me, and how I perceive others would want me to behave, etc. Simply because I have a deep fear of rejection, and so I choose to play it safe, to hide in the background, to remain on the fringes instead of really throwing myself into the life I want and embracing all that it has to offer. But how much is there that life has to offer? The only way to know is to jump in and find out. And "in order to find out who you are, you have to find out who you are not and try to be a lot of different things".
If you don't do this now, then when?
I must admit the first week went pretty horribly. You know how when you decide to really go after something, your defenses kick in and you start making all kinds of excuses not to do it? Like when you see a cute stranger and you start imagining what it'd be like to hang out with him, and you think maybe you should go talk to him, but then what if he doesn't like me, what if he already has a girlfriend, what if he thinks I'm crazy... etc. etc. etc. But thanks to my second session with Carina, I managed to sort through these excuses and put them aside. I have twice as much to do in this second week to catch up, but I know I can make it happen. (After all, I've done it before in January 2013 when preparing for my first solo exhibition. I really have no excuse for not being able to pull it off another time...)
So the tree has been appearing in my work lately, even in my current art campaign to make art-buying more accessible to the general public: "100 Artworks below $100". (If you would like to get original art by an emerging artist at insanely affordable prices, join here). The tree is a symbol for growth, for strength and endurance, for something that takes root deeply within oneself, and evolves into something greater. A journey of self-discovery is also a journey of growth. I'm excited to see how this body of work evolves over the next few weeks.
The dates aren't set yet, the venue isn't confirmed, and I don't know how the art is going to turn out, or where I'm going to get the money to fund this next show... and these sure are enough excuses to quit and put this show off again for the next few months. But if I don't do this now, then when?
I invite you now to really take an honest look at your life.
What is one thing that you've always wanted to do, but for whatever reasons, you keep putting it off? How long more do you want to wait?
If you don't do this now, then when?
Your life is waiting. Jump in.
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