In the process of my self-discovery project that will culminate in my second solo art show in October, I started to hear myself whenever I turn something down and label it as "Not Me". I began to question, how do I know what's "not me" until I really test it out to prove that it's "not me"? And what's with all these labels anyway? I get that we use these labels, such as our occupation, our hobbies and interests, our position in our family, descriptive words as qualifiers of our identity... but how many of these labels do we need to accumulate until we find who we are? And in the larger scheme of things, do any of these labels even really matter?
So I set out to challenge one of my labels, to step outside of my comfort zone of sketchwalks and drawing events and explore another realm of art I once refused to be a part of, simply because "I'm not a photographer."
1. The only person who's really judging you.. is yourself.
I learned this very early on in the session. You see, out of the group of 70-80 photographers who showed up, the only person who DIDN'T have a large black Canon, Nikon or Pentel was.. ME. Every single person had their professional DSLRs, and a couple of SLRs slung around their necks or hanging off their shoulder, and backpacks with tripods stuffed into them. Me? All I had was a little Canon S110, a hand-me-down from my Mom which fits nicely in the palm of my hand, and my Samsung Galaxy S4, which I had only started using 2 days earlier. I felt SO extremely out of place, like how I felt when I first walked out of the airplane into the Nashville International Airport 6 years ago. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb, and that everyone was looking at me and thinking: "What is this girl doing here? How come she's here when she's clearly not a photographer? Does she even know how to take pictures?"
First group photo of the day.
I suppose it didn't help when the first person I tried to talk to (by asking if this was the photowalk group) took one look at my little silver digicam, and he was rather unfriendly, and didn't seem to want to talk to me anymore after telling me I was at the right place. After that I was really worried that no one else would want to hang around me, and maybe I should just leave. It got a little better when I met the organizer, Wilson, and I started talking to another guy, but I still couldn't shake off the self-consciousness that plagued my thoughts and I felt so embarrassed when I took photos with the little Canon. I started to tell people, "I'm not a photographer." or "I feel like a black sheep in this group with my digicam", etc. and then after the 3rd or 4th person I said that to, it suddenly occurred to me that none of them cared about that (except maybe the first guy, who I'm still hating on.. grr...).
Really, the only person who was judging me for standing out like a sore thumb or a black sheep, for not belonging to this group or this event... that person was ME. The truth was, no one else cared if I'm there or not. Everyone is so caught up in their passion for photography, in capturing their own shots that it didn't matter what I was using to take my photos. I guess if I was sketching I would probably get more attention, but the reality was, no one cares if I'm there, let alone if I belong there or not.
Funny thing is, I realize how EVERY TIME I try to join a new group or an event of strangers, I judge myself like this each and every time. Believing that no one wanted me there because I didn't belong. OMG what a delusion!
My first Instagram shot of the photo walk. I absolutely love this photo.
Coming soon as a painting!
2) People are a lot friendlier than they seem at first, and most times, they are just as scared to talk to you as you are of them.
I'm terrified of initiating contact with a stranger, because you never know how they will respond to you. And after my attempt to talk to the first guy and he shut me down, I was even more shaken. But I managed to gather my wits, and tried again, and I realized that actually people are friendlier than they look. And the only way to find out is to take a chance and talk to them.
3) The fastest way to get people to open up is to ask them about their interests.
In a photography group, it’s pretty obvious. So I'd ask them, “How did you get started into photography?" or "Are you a professional photographer?" And before you know it, they’ll tell you the most interesting stories you never expected, and it gives you a window into their lives. One guy got into photography because everywhere he went with his girlfriend, she would want to have her picture taken with literally everything around her.
4) You can learn a lot from opening up to people and listening to their stories.
A professional photographer taught me how to use the reflective surface of the table to capture an interesting shot.
From a Polish photographer, I learned that in his experience, Singapore is one of the best places to photograph birds because they aren't afraid of people, like literally you can walk down the street and in the tree along the roadside he has found birds' nests with baby birds in them. AND if you're looking to photograph night wildlife, Vermont Cemetery is a great place for seeing owls and civet cats.
5) Be prepared to be a subject in others’ photography.
It’s a photo walk, and you’re a person, and if there are photographers who like to shoot people in a natural state, don’t be surprised if you see someone’s camera pointing in your direction. Also, be prepared to take a few group photos along the way.
After I snapped this alley along Ann Siang Rd and I walked off, someone else snapped this:
6) You’ll never know what you’re capable of until you do something out of your comfort zone.
Before yesterday, I didn't see myself as a photographer. Now I realize that even the word itself can mean so many things. Sure, I may not be a professional photographer with one of those bulky cameras, but I'm an artist, and the camera is simply another medium for creative expression. And nowadays with so many tools and apps, you can always use a filter on your photos to make them look closer to what your vision was. I ended up actually taking more photos on my Samsung and using Instagram filters to turn them into something really cool.
By using my Instagram square cropper and a filter, I got this cool sky shot, from the photo below.
7) Keep on trying.
Like all things in life, if at first you don't succeed, or you're absolutely clueless about what to do, or you don't seem to get the results that you want. Just keep on trying. Try something different. Try a new angle of looking at things. Try another method to get the result you want. And if things still don't work, put a pause on them and move on, and come back another time.
Here are more of my favorite photos from this walk:
