7 Ways You Are Limiting Your Creativity (and hence Yourself)

As an artistic creative, I've noticed that people tend to equate creativity with the arts, and fail to acknowledge it in other professions or in the everyday aspects of life.

 

What many don't seem to realise is that to be human is to create, and creativity is an innate part of us all.

 

To further illustrate this, here are 7 ways you may be limiting your creativity, and hence yourself and the possibilities for your life.

 

 

1) Telling yourself “I’m not creative."

 

All humans are born with the capacity to create something, whether it's an artwork, an invention, a solution, or finding the best way to fix your look on a bad hair day.

 

If you already believe that you’re not creative… then you won't really try to be creative, even in situations that call for a little creativity, which leads to feeling helpless about the situation, which further perpetuates your conclusion that you aren't creative... And basically what you have created is a vicious cycle.

 

And since you unconsciously created that cycle in the first place, why not put some of that energy (if not ALL of it) into actually exercising your creative abilities in a forwarding way!

 

Ask yourself: What makes you even have this self-limiting belief in the first place? What happened that led you to create this conclusion about yourself?

 

Creativity is a muscle, and like all your other muscles, and the more you exercise it, it will become stronger and easier to wield. You'll begin to see connections between things that on the surface seem unrelated, which is where out-of-the-box thinking begins.

 

So stop telling yourself that you’re not creative, and start allowing yourself to ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE!

 

 

2) Telling yourself “I can’t draw"

 

Remember the time when you were a child and one of your natural pastimes was to put crayon to paper (or the nice clean wall..) and make seemingly random marks?

 

And after a while you'd start to re-create your world, scribbling smiling stick figures to represent your family, a triangle over a rectangle to represent your home, green for the grass, blue for the sky, yellow for the sun, and so on...

 

Did you care if your drawings were “good”? And when you felt you messed it up or made a mistake, did you not just get another piece of paper and start again?

 

Weren't you simply enjoying the moment and expressing yourself, a simple process of celebrating your world through mark-making?

 

I often meet people who, after finding out I’m an artist, almost immediately proclaim that they can’t draw, or that creativity is not for them.

 

Upon further probing, I’ve started to realise their conclusion has roots in memories of an authority figure (usually parent or art teacher) criticising their artwork or reinforcing that an ambition in art is nothing more than a pipe dream.

 

(The latter happened to me at age 8, and I stopped drawing for the fun of it after that.)

 

For most individuals, all it takes is one significant incident, and that’s it — from that point they no longer believe they have artistic abilities, or that they are creative.

 

And worse, they completely reject an innate ability that every one of us possesses — mark-making, which is the basis of drawing.

 

Mark-making is the one thing that ANYONE can do. ANYONE. Even quadriplegics or people with no arms can make marks on a paper. (Even apes and elephants can wield a paintbrush and make marks!)

 

And like all abilities that get more refined with intentional and consistent practice, when you’ve spent enough time with mark-making and learning different tools for improvement, you can easily create shapes and forms that represent your world.

 

The point here isn’t about what a “good” drawing is supposed to look like, or if your images fall into the category of what “art” is or isn’t.

 

The point is that the belief that we can’t draw makes us completely stop making marks on paper, completely stop expressing our world, ourselves and our creativity -- a tool that is innately ours from a very young age.

 

 

3) Telling yourself “I’m not good at …. “ or “I can’t….”

 

The moment you tell yourself you’re not good at something, you’ve already closed off all possibilities of even trying it out, and subsequently, of expanding your own horizons and experiences in life.

 

Such statements like “I’m not good at sports” or “I can’t write poetry” or “I’m not flexible” are limiting, because the moment you believe them, you’d have unconsciously created a box around yourself.

 

The only time you may be allowed to declare that you’re can’t do something is when you’ve tried EVERYTHING possible to learn it, and you put in 10,000 hours to be good at it, and you learn from ALL the best teachers in the world, and you still end up sucking.

 

We’ve read stories of people with disabilities who’ve become accomplished athletes, artists and other professionals (such as this guy). We’ve heard stories of famous people who never gave up until they got their breakthroughs and how their actions shaped the world at that time.

 

I’ve seen my grandmother start learning ballet at 60, and every day she stretched until a year later, she could easily do a front-back split.

 

And as for myself, I spent most of my teens and 20’s believing that I could never be physically fit. This belief was further justified when I found out at 25 that I had Thalassemia Minor, which explained the times I got light-headed easily and nearly blacked out during strenuous P.E. lessons in school.

 

Then at 29 I went on a 3-week long hiking and camping road trip in America, without any prior training or regular exercise. And after daily hikes of long distances and various terrains in Yosemite, Mt. Zion, Bryce, Arches, and the Grand Canyon (in cool-looking boots that I realised later were really not meant for hiking...), I started to see that whatever I had previously believed about my physical limitations were nothing more than self-created delusions.

 

Today at age 32, I’m in the best physical shape of my life (and still working on it!), after being in the worst shape for the whole of my 20’s.

 

 

4) Choosing to watch from the sidelines, versus jumping in to participate.

 

Life is short, and we simply aren’t given enough time to try all activities available and to become good at them.

 

Hence it’s normal to live vicariously by listening to others’ stories, reading about their experiences, or watching their performances.

 

That’s part of what sells books and seminars and shows, because we want to know what it’s like to walk in someone else’s shoes.

 

And there’s nothing wrong with that, because exposure to all of these adds to your own experiences of life anyway, though in an indirect fashion.

 

It becomes limiting, however, when all you do is watch, read and listen — when you’d rather be a part of the audience, instead of an active participant.

 

When it comes to something that you’re interested to experience, watching all the videos or reading all the books or speaking to all the experts in the world will not give you the truth of what that experience is really like.

 

That is something only you can find out for yourself, and your first-hand experience is unique only to you.

 

The more first-hand experiences you have, and the wider the range, the more you’ll find connections beyond an intellectual understanding, and you can draw on that to create something out of the box.

 

So jump in and try out and really get your hands dirty with the stuff that you’re interested in.

 

Who knows, maybe after messing around in it for a while you’ll realise that you actually don’t like it. And if you don’t like it, why would you want to continue to spend more time, energy and resources on related books, talks and videos?

 

Simply take your new experiences and learnings and move on to something else.

 

 

5) Staying in your comfort zone

 

One of the reasons why people live vicariously through the records of others’ experiences has to do with fear.

 

Fear takes many forms — fear of failure, fear of making mistakes, fear of embarrassment, fear of the unknown, and more common than you’d think: the fear of success.

 

When you’ve created a self-limiting belief and held fast to it for most of your life, it becomes part of your comfort zone, and part of your identity.

 

Challenging your self-limiting belief is terrifying because if you actually succeed at what you once thought you couldn’t do, the comfort zone and identity you've created will no longer be relevant, and something else needs to be created to take its place.

 

Creating and defining this “something new” comes with all the fears mentioned above (and more that we’re perhaps not aware of). It can be painful, confusing, and unsettling for some time, until the new (more evolved) comfort zone and identity is created.

 

As a result we tend to sabotage ourselves and create justifications and excuses, so that we won’t have to give up our old comfort zone, so we won’t have to change who we believe we are, and life would just be smooth-sailing from here on (or so we assume).

 

What I’ve come to learn (reluctantly) is that the process of growth is painful and uncomfortable, and that’s just how it is. If you want to evolve as a person, breaking out of your comfort zone and hence challenging your identity is inevitable and even necessary at times.

 

But when you can leave your comfort zone, you gain a wider, more encompassing view of yourself and your world, and that can spark inspiration not only for creative ideas, but also for a new direction and new creations in your life. Expanding your awareness and challenging your perceptions in this manner allows you to see things in a new light, and connections between what used to appear unrelated.

 

 

6) Watching too much TV mindlessly

 

Watching TV is one of the most passive pastimes, as it simply involves a mindless absorption of what’s happening on the screen.

 

Unless you’re watching something that blows your mind and challenges your perception, or unless you’re actively analysing and studying the layers in the show, simply watching and absorbing and getting sucked into the drama doesn’t go a long way for your creative development.

 

(I’m honestly writing this one for myself.)

 

TV-watching represents a very comfortable time in my childhood as it used to be my family pastime. It’s also a chance to escape from my boring and painful reality, and live many completely different lives through someone else's stories.

 

Of course, it’s not wrong to watch TV! Like books and the Internet, TV offers a window to the world-at-large, and you can get ideas and expand your knowledge from there.

 

What really matters, then, is HOW you’re spending your TV time. If you’re engaged mainly in mindless absorption and escape from reality (and mindless snacking), then how forwarding is it really to your health, life, and your creative development?

 

This also applies to other forms of information like books, articles, websites, etc. If you’re constantly lost in mindless absorption and mental escape, how much of life are you actually missing out on?

 

 

7) Listening to people who are limiting themselves and their own creativity

 

And of course, like the blind leading the blind, people who stay within their comfort zone will want others to do the same.

 

Most of the time, their intentions aren’t bad and they believe they’re looking out for you. Like when your parents tell you that an artistic ambition isn’t practical in the real world. Or when your romantic partner is happy with the routine you’ve both created and doesn’t want anything to change.

 

They’re not wrong; they’re human. And part of being human means having numerous self-imposed limitations that you’ve unconsciously created over the course of your entire life.

 

And honestly, there’s really nothing wrong with having those self-limiting beliefs either. You’re human too!

 

But if you’re tired of repeating the same patterns and behaviours, and wondering why you can’t seem to achieve the goals that you want, then perhaps it’s time to exercise a little bit of creativity, and create something different for yourself.

 

And in the process of doing that, people who don’t know any better will try to get into your head and stop you.

 

So be careful who you choose to listen to.

 

Heck, don’t even believe anything I’m saying! I’m just a human being too, and I still have many of my own self-limiting beliefs to sort out.

 

But I enjoy sharing what I’ve learned and realised in my journey, and I hope that what I’ve written can support you in yours.

 

The only way to find out is to find out for yourself. So go test it out!

 

And remember to enjoy your process!

 

Story Behind the Art: "New Sky" (2013)

 

"New Sky" is a painting I created in 2013, using acrylic on canvas, with the penguins illustrated on watercolor paper and glued onto the painted surface. To date, it's perhaps my most popular artwork. But few people know the story behind it, and what I've learned from this creative process. So here's a short blog post sharing this story.

In the middle of 2013, I was a member of an art group called Heartspace, founded and led by art therapist Joanna Tan. The group met almost every Saturday from 9am to 1pm to create art, share about our artwork and reflect upon the stuff behind it. The sessions were held in an art studio at a Catholic church, but it was open to all, and some of the regulars themselves were not Catholic. I loved the inclusiveness of this group, and that it brought people together through their love for creative expression and spiritual exploration. However, because I'm so not a morning person, the times I did show up were very few and far between.

One day however, I made an effort to get up early, gather my art materials (materials are provided at the studio but I like using my own stuff since I'm used to them), and took the 15-minute bus ride to the church. (Now that I think about it, it really wasn't much of a hassle for me to be there, which goes to show how lazy I am!) When I attend such sessions, I tend to approach the process with a blank slate mentality and allow things to just unfold according to some greater higher cosmic creative power. After a brief welcome and introduction by Joanna, we had 2 hours to create, then the last 45 minutes would be when we gathered to share about our creation.

I had no images in mind, so I browsed the photos in my iPad. I tend to collect photos that inspire me whenever I come across them, like through Facebook, Instagram, sometimes during my Google searches for reference images. That morning, it was this photo of a beautiful sunset that got my attention, and I honestly don't remember where I got it from so I'm not able to credit it to the photographer at this time. (If this photo belongs to you, let me know so I can link it back to you!)

Such a beautiful picture right?!

To me it's of a sunrise, the creation of a new sky, a clean slate, a brand new day, a fresh beginning. It evokes in me feelings of freedom, joy, and adventure, that anything is possible. I really wanted to recreate this, and as a self-taught artist who hadn't taken lessons on painting, I knew it was going to be a challenge. But nevertheless, since this sunrise makes me feel like anything is possible, here was my opportunity to attempt something outside of my artistic capabilities and comfort zone.

It took... a long while.. I did what I could in the 2 hours at Heartspace, but after that at home, I worked on this for perhaps a total of 10-15 hours over a few days. It was really outside of my comfort zone and abilities, as most of my painted works up to this moment were much simpler (as you can see in the paintings from my first solo exhibition a few months earlier). Secondly, this canvas was 18 x 24 inches and much larger than what I'm used to. So I struggled through this painting, getting discouraged by how unlike the photo it looked, and distracted by easier works, TV shows and Facebook stalking. I wanted to give up so many times, and finally I had to accept that I can only do the best I can, and even if it looks nothing at all like the photograph, as long as I'm happy with the result, it was complete. Strangely though, even when I declared that my sunrise was finished, it didn't look or feel finished to me. It was as if something was missing.

(Oops.. I don't have a picture of the sunrise painting without the penguins.. So, um, just use your imagination and keep reading..)

If you've seen the artworks from my first solo exhibition, you'll know that they tell a story of penguins who live in the clouds, fly across the sky, and pursue the things they are passionate about. After that exhibition, which was held in February 2013, I was working on my first children's book illustration project, and hadn't really done much painting for a while. So when mid 2013 came around and I picked up a canvas and paintbrushes again, I thought maybe it was time to create something else, something new, perhaps without penguins. Initially I had expected this sunrise painting to take me in a different direction, but as I stared at it, I had a hunch that perhaps the new beginning I needed wouldn't completely deviate from what I'd done before.

So I took out my watercolor paper, drew and colored 3 flying penguins, cut them out, and blu-tacked them on the sunrise just to have a look. And to my surprise, with the addition of these 3 penguins, the painting was and felt complete. That was when I realized that my little sky penguins weren't really going anywhere else just yet, that it was just the beginning, and there were many more of them to come.

As the sun rises over a new horizon, bringing with it a brand new day and a brand new sky, what are you creating for your life today? With this clean slate and blank page comes the freedom to write, paint, draw, sing, dance, perform... do whatever you truly want.

Such freedom can be scary sometimes, because when possibilities are endless, you may not know where to begin, or even which direction to face. So here's a few things I've learned from this creative process that may help:

1. If you don't know where to begin, find a place to start.

I didn't know what I was going to paint that day at Heartspace. The idea that artists are always inspired is a myth. Most of the time, inspiration comes only when you go looking for it. Similarly in life, we sometimes have no answers, or too many options, and we get stuck and don't know what's next. As such it's always a good idea to keep a collection of images, quotes, writing, videos, books -- anything, really! -- that can inspire, prompt or remind you when you're uncertain of where to go.

2. When you've started and get overwhelmed or discouraged, work on it one small part at a time, and keep going.

Sometimes the direction we take may require certain skills or knowledge that we don't have, or we may get discouraged by the immense gap between where we're at and our destination. Keep going. Find a way to work at it one small portion at a time. Get help if you can. As a wise friend recently said to me, you can go as fast or as slow as you want, but the important thing is, you have to keep moving.

3. Learn to trust your gut when something doesn't "feel" right.

Call it intuition, or a weird feeling, or psychic or whatever.. if something doesn't feel right, pause and figure out exactly what that is. Try something different. Approach things from another angle. Don't discount anything until you find your answer. And trust that you will know when you've found it.

4. Practice, and practice consistently.

Good things come unexpectedly, and usually when you put in the time to do the necessary work. When it comes to art, doing the work means showing up consistently and creating, even when you don't feel like it, even when uninspired. When it comes to intentionally living your life, you need to consistently take time to be with yourself and connect to yourself. Now that I think back to it, I should have made it a point to attend those Heartspace sessions regularly, as a means to consistently create and express myself through art.

So what are you creating for your life today?

"New Sky" (2013) is still available at S$750.00. Chat with me at penguingirlart@gmail.com if you would like to take it home!

7 Steps to Create Your Vision Map for 2016

 

What’s Your Vision for 2016? Follow these 7 steps to find out!

 

Step #1: Find a quiet place for 1-3 hours for this exercise.

 

Set aside about 1-3 hours for this exercise. Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed for that duration, preferably in a space where you feel you can be as authentic as possible. Turn your phone to silent mode and put it away where you won’t be distracted by it. Let your family members or housemates know not to disturb you during this time.

 

You may also light a candle or some incense to create a more relaxing atmosphere.

 

 

Step #2: Visualise the 2016 you would like to have.

 

Give your imagination the permission to wander freely. Adopt either a sitting position or lying down, and let your eyes close (Ensure that you’re not too comfortable, or you may doze off during this exercise!). Focus on your breathing — inhale creativity and vitality, exhale any tension or worry. Allow your entire body to relax by imagining soothing waves spreading over your entire body from the top of your head, down your neck and over your torso, all the way through to your feet and out the tips of your toes.

 

When you feel completely relaxed, bring yourself some time into the future, 1, 2 or 5 years from now. See yourself in the various spaces of your life — your home, your workplace, your favourite spots, traveling, etc. For each of these places, notice what is around you: How large or small is the space? What colors, textures and smells do you sense? What is the energy of the space like? Are you alone or are others with you? Who are they and what are they doing? What impact do you have on them?

 

Allow yourself to connect with what brings you the most joy and fulfilment. What do you truly enjoy? What values do you honour in the various aspects of your life? How would you like to create your life in the coming years, months, or even weeks? Stay in this space for as long as you like (without falling asleep), and allow yourself to take in more details and fully experience the feelings and sensations of living this life. Know that it is a reflection of who you are, and your values, voice and vision.

 

When you’re ready, slowly come back to the present time. Remember that you can always re-visit your vision whenever you wish.

 

 

Step #3: Journal your experience.

 

Take a moment to journal about what you’ve experienced. Either in free flow writing or doodling or both, record in as much detail as you can remember, including the images, colors, sensations and emotions. If you’re working on this exercise with a partner, feel free to take turns to share your respective visualisation. Use these questions to deepen your exploration:

 

- What was the experience like?

- What did you notice at various aspects of your visualisation?

- How did you feel about the experience?

 

If you don’t like visualisations, here’s an alternative exercise (combination of Steps #2 — #3):

 

Set a timer for 10 minutes. During this time, allow yourself to journal freestyle where you see your life in the future. Keep writing or drawing nonstop, and if you get stuck, quickly shake your whole body and carry on journalling. When the timer rings, look over what you just recorded.

 

What surprises you? What excites you? Where can you further develop it?

 

 

Step #4: Bring your vision to life with a collage.

 

Materials need:

- Magazines, photographs, junk mail, catalogues, marketing materials that inspire you.

- Glue (a glue stick would do just fine, but you can also use tape)

- Scissors

- A surface to collage on - foam board, large piece of sturdy paper or cardboard, poster board

 

Set a time limit of 10 minutes and go through the magazines to find images or words that evoke what you experienced in your vision or journalling. Cut or tear out pictures and words that speak to you somehow, that resonate with you emotionally. Don’t edit yourself, just keep cutting. You can always keep any extras in an envelope for another time.

 

 

Step #5: Organise the images in a way that has meaning to you.

 

After the 10 minutes are up, sort through your collected images and start grouping them. Arrange them to tell the story of your future. Allow yourself to organise the clippings in any way that feel right to you. You may create categories of your own,  or let your images naturally organise themselves in an arrangement that has meaning to you.

 

Don’t worry if you had certain words in mind and couldn’t find clippings of them. You can always write them or doodle them with a sharpie later on.

 

 

Step #6: When you’re ready, glue the images down.

 

You can start to glue or tape the images onto the collage surface once you have a feel for the flow. Feel free to use a Sharpie to doodle and write on your collage, or to highlight certain key things, or even just to decorate any part of your visual map. As long as it feels right to you, go for it!

 

 

Step #7: Put your map in a place where you can see it every day.

 

Because this map is your guide for the year, put it up in a place where you will see it daily. Use it to hold yourself to the path you intended to walk on, especially during times you may take a wrong turn or get distracted from your vision.

 

Remember that nothing is set in stone, and that we are constantly changing. If there are parts of your vision map that no longer resonate with you as the year goes by, you can always edit the map where applicable. The wonderful thing about collages is that adding on to it is easy, and you can simply paste new clippings on top of the images that are no longer relevant to you.

 

 

 

Have fun creating your Vision Map for 2016! Share it with your friends, and encourage them to try creating one for themselves too!

 

 

My Vision Map for 2016: "Making Your Art Work with Love, Possibilities and Gratitude"

What's Your Vision for 2016?

"Life is a journey that gives you the liberty to draw your own map, and choose your own route."

- Dennis E. Adonis (Educational Author, Novelist, and Musician)

 

11 days into the new year, and I finally got round to creating my Vision Map for 2016.(Better late than never I guess…)

 

You might be wondering — what’s a Vision Map? Basically it’s a visual guide that you put together such that you have an idea of where you’re headed, whether it’s your life as a whole, or for your career or your business, or even just for this year. When you're traveling, in order to know how to get to your destination, you need to consult a map. The more detailed and clearer the map, the more effective it is in getting you to your destination efficiently. In the journey of life, whether you're creating your own map or following a standardised one, both gets you to a certain endpoint and neither is right or wrong or “better” than the other. However, I’d rather chart out my own course, and should you wish to create your own Vision Map, you can check out my blog article “7 Steps to Creating Your Vision Map”.

 

So I went though these 7 steps, and here’s my Vision Map, summed up with my vision statement for the year: “Making My Art Work with Love, Possibilities and Gratitude.”

 

My Vision Map for 2016.

2015 has been a year of uncovering difficult truths about myself, and how I’ve failed time and again to love the most important person in my world — myself. It has been painfully amusing to see certain patterns repeat themselves and how I keep making the same mistakes, but I’ve learned a few important lessons along the way. Firstly, I’ve started to accept the high probability that I will repeat those mistakes a few more times until I actually learn my lesson. Secondly, when I think I’ve learned my lesson, I should never assume that I’ve actually learned it. And thirdly but most importantly, that I have to do whatever it takes to remind myself of the bigger picture, the higher path, and the greater self that I’m fighting the good fight for. So that’s where creating my Vision Map comes in - as a tool to keep me on my intended path, because based on past circumstances, I already anticipate many wrong turns and side-journeys to come. In the words of bestselling author and speaker Dr. Steve Maraboli: “A wrong turn doesn’t end the journey. If you feel lost, just look at your map and get back on the road. The map will always lead you in the right direction."

 

My direction for 2016: "Making My Art Work with Love, Possibilities and Gratitude."

 

In a nutshell, this statement is a reminder of my fundamental responsibility as an artist — not only to make art, but to make art that resonates with me, art that I love. One of my core values is Love, and I intend to bring out my love this year as much as I can. During the final months of 2015, self-love was a recurring theme in my life, and it is going to be the one in the foreground for 2016. Possibilities refers to my belief that dreams can come true, that penguins can live in the clouds and fly across the sky. And finally, Gratitude caught me by surprise, but for various reasons, I believe it’s going to be a recurring lesson for me this year. More on that for a later time.

 

So there you have it, my vision for 2016.

 

What’s your vision for your 2016? What would you like to create?

How will you grow this year? And what do you need to let go of in the process?

 

Create your own Vision Map using these 7 steps, and share it with your friends when you’re done!

 

7 Ways to Love Yourself Every Day

PenguinGirl learns about self love and loves herself.

Lately I’m starting to realize that my existence thus far has been a long drawn-out quest for Self-Love. Up until 3 years ago, I didn’t have a clue what Self-Love is, but ever since I found the courage to plunge into my artist dream by organizing my first solo exhibition, I’m learning a little more about how my previous perceptions of Self-Love are far from accurate. It would take another entire blog post to define what Self-Love is and isn’t, and I don’t believe I’m at the right place to shed some light on that at this time. Instead, I’ll share a few of my realisations and ways to show yourself a little love every day!


1) Exercise regularly

I used to tell myself that I’m not an athlete, that I suck at sports, and exercising is something simply not for me. I remember back when I was in secondary school and we had to be tested on our physical fitness and based on their standards I barely passed every single year. I hated it. I hated being the person who comes in last at the end of a 2.4km run. I hated that as much as I tried I couldn’t push myself to be faster or to hang on longer and beat my own personal record (which everyone else was beating easily). To be honest I was quite resigned about the state of my physical fitness and instead of trying to work at it regularly and get better, I told myself I was simply not athletic and will never be that way.

For the past 2 months I’ve been working out an exercise habit (pun intended). I jog about 3-5km twice a week, and I have a routine of strengthening exercises that I get on almost every day. Sure it was tough at first, and in the beginning I could barely do 20 push-ups (with my knees to the ground), but now I can do 50 at one go and I can run 5km without stopping for a little over 30 minutes. It may not seem like much to most people, but for someone who typecast herself as the not-athletic sort and would never be so, it’s definitely been a lifestyle improvement.


2) Follow a healthy diet system that works for your life

From all the dieting fads out there that I’ve attempted and read about, I've learnt one very important thing: If you want to have a healthy diet, it’s really about finding a system that will work for your life. So if you decide to do 5-6 small meals a day but your daily schedule is always irregular and you keep missing your meal times, find another system that complements your schedule. Or if you’re not good with details, then counting calories would be a bad idea. Ultimately you want to find a system that is easy to follow and incorporate in your life, and that will help A LOT with building the discipline you need to sustain it.

For myself, Intermittent Fasting (IF) has been the most effective so far. IF is based on the premise that you go without food for an extended period of time (fasts), such that your body can finish burning off the carbs you’ve accumulated from your meals and start burning your fat reserves. So my eating window is from 10.30am to 8.30pm daily, and during my fasts I drink only water. There are, of course, the occasional days where I catch up with friends over supper or later-at-night drinks but generally I keep this pattern 5-6 days a week. IF works for me because it’s a very easy system to follow, and it has allowed me to curb my bad habit of snacking late at night (which is probably how I’ve gained weight in recent years haha).


3) Do something that tests your limits (ie. outside your comfort zone)

You’ve probably come across this saying: “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Some people may wonder why anyone would want to do that - like isn’t life difficult enough as it is; why add on more stress? However, it's only when you push your limits that you get to see what you are made of. Adversity in life is inevitable, and even if your life is generally smooth sailing, you'll never know what kind of shit will hit your fan. So I believe it's better to intentionally test your limits and rise to the challenge way before life forces you unexpectedly into a chaotic situation.

Earlier this year, as part of a program on leadership, I completed a marathon hike of 46km... TWICE in one weekend. Fortunately for me I had started hiking from an adventure trip in the U.S. I did earlier in 2012, so I was already somewhat physically adapted to walking long distances. Or so I thought. Little did I know that with long distance hikes, it goes beyond testing your physical limits. It reaches a point where getting through it depends on your ability to persevere one painful step at a time, and how you can support your team mates to ensure they get to finish line together with you.


4) Pick up a new skill or hone an existing one

Off a similar vein, learning a new skill not only tests your limits, but also expands your perspectives and general knowledge. As an untrained artist, I've been drawing and painting in my own way, and it's resulted in somewhat of a recognizable style but it has its limits. Hence I decided to really work on my drawing skills and follow a structure as taught by mentor. Since we started 2 months ago, I've finished 3 classic books on drawing and suddenly all the basic principles of drawing which I intuitively somehow knew before just totally made sense.


5) Spend an hour with yourself by yourself every day

When you meet the most awesome boy or the most beautiful girl and they love you back, you want to spend time with them, getting to know them better and connecting with them. Well, your self is no different from your romantic partner; in fact, your self is more important than your partner because partners will inevitably leave you (when the relationship or one of you dies), but you will be with you for the rest of your life. So isn't it worth the investment to spend time connecting with yourself and getting to know yourself better?

I try to incorporate an hour of self-time daily, and I've noticed that on the days I do spend that time, I'm more connected to my larger vision for my life, and clearer about what I need to work on in the short term to better position myself for the long run. Usually I spend the hour journaling for about 30 minutes, which really helps to sort out my thoughts and reflect upon what's going on in my life. The rest of the time I have a chat with myself and make sure I'm clear about my goals, or sometimes I fold in exercise time and go for a jog.


6) Journal first thing when you wake up

When you wake up, your mind is fresh and ready to kick start your day. But many people spend their mornings rushing to get to work, checking their emails or Facebook updates, reading the newspaper.. and basically not making the most of this critical time to set the right tone for the whole day. When you first wake up, your mind has spent the whole sleep time sorting out what happened the day before - your learnings and lessons, your emotional state, and sometimes you get dreams that still linger for a little while. Journaling in the morning helps to align oneself such that all these thoughts can be integrated, in order to bring you clarity for the new day's work according to your bigger goals.

I first came across this concept when I worked through Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way". She called it the Morning Pages, where as creatives we need to spend 20-30 minutes each morning writing at least 3 pages. I've gotten many creative ideas while practicing these Morning Pages, and especially now that I'm getting into the habit of blogging weekly, these journals have been a way to track the current themes in my life and my learnings and realizations. In fact, this blog post was birthed from my recent journaling and recorded realizations.


7) Get enough sleep and make sure you end your day such that you maximize those sleeping hours

I'm not going to say what's "enough" sleep, because that's really up to you to figure out what's enough for you. Only you can know how much energy you need for all your tasks so plan your sleep accordingly to make sure you get through each day in the best possible manner. What I do want to stress is the importance of winding down intentionally. Which means scheduling your sleeping hours just like any other appointment or task in your day and sticking to it. Not only that, it’s also about completing your evening such that when you get into bed, it’s really about lying down, closing your eyes and going to sleep and not to continue working on something until you fall asleep.


So there you have it, some of the ways to love yourself daily such that you can get closer to achieving your goals in life! If you have other suggestions on ways to love yourself, feel free to comment below, or send them to me at penguingirlart@gmail.com. Have a great week everyone, and remember to FLY (First Love Yourself)!
 

Ending the Hunt for Flynn Rider (a.k.a. Mr. Right, the One, etc.)

Up until 2010, my favorite Disney princess was Ariel. From the first time I saw “The Little Mermaid” at age 8, all I wanted was to be a mermaid. Then I found myself in November 2010 at the movie theater at Green Hills Mall in Nashville with Mr. G, my new romance at the time, with whom I was already madly in love for almost the entire year. I hadn’t even heard of the movie we were about to see, but it had been his idea, and I could never say no to him. So “Tangled” began, and little did I know Rapunzel's first song would immediately tug at my heartstrings, and I would identify so much with her, even more so than I did with Ariel. These were the very lines: “Stuck in the same place I’ve always been. And I keep wondering, wondering, wondering and wondering WHEN WILL MY LIFE BEGIN?” There I was at age 27, barely minutes into this children’s movie, and I was fighting back my tears and hoping Mr. G hadn’t noticed.

You see, back then, I looked at my life, and it seemed pretty good. I never had to worry about financial difficulties or physical hardship. I’m in good health, I rarely fall sick, and I could eat a whole lot of junk for days and not worry about my weight. I’m musically talented, I write well, I’m got good grades without really putting in much effort, I’m intelligent enough to carry out a conversation of substance with. And I’ve done a few crazy things most of my ex-schoolmates would never dream of - like attempt an acting career in Singapore during a time when the arts scene didn’t quite exist, like packing my bags and flying alone to Nashville without knowing anyone there, like getting the whole study abroad experience.. Really, my life was pretty good and I had no reason to feel otherwise. But if I were to be really honest, deep down inside, for many many years there had always this nagging feeling I’d ignore, a feeling finally brought to my awareness with a simple question Rapunzel sang on my behalf:

WHEN WILL MY LIFE BEGIN?

3 days ago I read for the first time Shel Silverstein’s book “The Missing Piece Meets the Big O”, which begins: “The missing piece sat alone… waiting for someone to come along and take it somewhere.” And as I flipped the pages, I just kept seeing my own life spelled out and illustrated before my very eyes. And that’s when it hit me that in my world, my life only begins when Flynn Rider breaks into my tower and whisks me away. And by living this way, I’ve remained a lonely missing piece waiting and yearning for something or someone to make me whole. Notice that in the movie, Rapunzel was the one who hoisted herself out of the window and down to the grass below, which meant she could have always left whenever she wanted. What she really lacked was the courage to take that first step (because her “mother” had been filling her head with stories of how the world out there was bad, crazy and scary.. but that’s another blog post for another time). Hence Flynn became her way out, her ticket into the great big scary world. Her ticket into adventure.



Flynn Rider was the boy I “clicked with” when we met at a bus stop in Ang Mo Kio 13 years ago. We spent an entire night at Sentosa wandering the beach, singing our favourite songs, and sharing about our lives, falling for each other within days of our first meeting. (Ironically he’s probably the one most like Flynn because he borrowed a lot of money from me and some of his friends and never returned it). Flynn Rider was also the boy in 2009 who led me to the dance floor at a swing dance party during the last night of a Catholic students’ conference in Orlando, Florida, who continued to dance with me despite my clumsy attempts to keep up, the numerous times I trampled on his green shoes, and my nervous laughter because his face was so close to mine and he was damn cute. We sat at opposite ends on a sofa in the hotel lobby and chatted about anything and everything until the sun came up and we left Orlando and he went to Sao Paolo for a semester. He’s the one I met up with in New York and we spent a night wandering the city and the next evening with his crazy uncle who forgot he was supposed to leave for Ecuador and it was a mad rush to get the family packed and to their flight on time. Shortly before we saw “Tangled”, our whirlwind romance began, and he was adventurous and constantly wanted to explore new places, try new things… but he never brought me along. He started his own business at Coney Island, moved to Ecuador for a few months, even went to Fu Zhou to learn Mandarin, and I was never really a part of his adventures. But Flynn Rider showed up again a few months ago as the guy who came to see my first singer-songwriter showcase at an arts cafe in Singapore, who tried to catch the cockroaches we found in my car later that evening, who took a very-petrified me on his motorbike to get cockroach bait from a supermarket nearby at 3 am that same night, who lay beside me on random patch of grass and shared my love for emo songs until the sky lit up. The one who helped me figure out how to ride a bicycle at 1am on the quiet street outside his home. The one who’s lived in various places all over the world, who’s started a few businesses, the freelancer proficient in music, photography, dance - whose every day was different than the one before. These were the prominent Flynn Riders of my life, the ones I fell hard for and couldn’t forget for a while. The others before and in between consisted of some losers, some jerks and some decent guys who got their heart broken in the end… But one thing is for sure - they were all Flynn Riders at the beginning, until they all turned into Eugene Fitzgeralds (some faster than others), and it was time to let them go.

It became clear - I never saw Eugene for Eugene. I only saw Flynn Rider and the perks that came with that. Being whisked away on exciting adventures, having interesting memories to add to the bank of my rather mundane existence, getting close to something dangerous and feeling more alive as a result. Getting to ride on the back of a motorcycle because I don't dare to ride one myself (I can’t even get past my own fear of riding a bicycle!). Getting to be driven around in a fast flashy loud car because I don't know if I dared to race one myself. Getting to visit far away places and explore off-the-beaten paths with someone fearless because I was afraid I’d get lost, or mugged, or killed if I was alone. Because it’s easier and safer to get through a crazy scary world with someone who knows the way, than to figure it all out on my own.

Flynn Rider doesn’t exist. He’s not real (eh.. besides the fact that he’s a fictional character). He’s simply a made up identity to portray a certain image and reputation for Eugene to survive in his world, not very much different from the various personas we put on to get through our day. So waiting for Flynn to whisk me out of my tower, waiting for him to come along and take me somewhere - is all part of a self-created delusion, a fallacy I started to believe a long time ago that my life can only begin when Flynn appears. But history has shown that even when he does, he eventually and inevitably turns into Eugene anyway. And then what? For most of them I simply walk away and let it go. For the three big Flynns of my life, I've put them on a pedestal, waiting for them to become Flynn again, waiting for them to whisk me away, waiting for my life to begin again, waiting and waiting until it finally becomes painfully clear to me that in their eyes I’ve turned into a Eugene, and eventually, I see that they are nothing more than Eugenes too.

We can’t help who we’re attracted to, and my history has proven time and again that I will continue to hunt for Flynn Riders for a pretty long time.. unless something changes in a profound way. It goes to show that the heart of the matter lies not with the Flynn Riders or Eugene Fitzgeralds or Aladdins or Prince Erics or [insert other Disney characters or whatever name pleases you] of the world, but the real issue can only be resolved within ourselves. We get attracted to whatever it is we feel or think we need in order to feel whole and complete and that we’re someone worth loving. So what then needs to change such that I’d no longer need Flynn Riders to qualify my existence? What do I really need to let go of? Who do I need to become such that I wouldn’t need another person to fill the Flynn-shaped hole inside? If there’s one thing I’m finally understanding about self love, it’s about becoming the very thing you feel that you’re missing in your life, like the missing piece lifting and pulling itself and plopping and repeating that over and over again until it shaped itself into something whole and complete on its own.

So WHEN WILL MY LIFE BEGIN?

It begins when I end the hunt for Flynn Rider, and start becoming the equivalent of that for myself. Name pending and suggestions are welcomed.

PenguinGirl learns about self love and loves herself.

Realizations from a Recent Rendezvous with a Roach

A few hazy evenings ago I got home and went straight to my Macbook Pro in my bedroom to put down some thoughts from a sudden inspiration. I was barely five minutes into my writing, when I heard some scraping sounds behind me, and I turned just in time to see some creepy crawly slip behind one of my paintings on the wall. I decided to leave it alone, thinking I had some time before it came out and I could always get to it later. Then the damn thing came crawling out and it was a f—king HUGE ASS COCKROACH. Literally I was like, OMG OMG WTF WTF OMG OMG WTF…

And to make matters worse… just like the penguins I create in their lovely world in the sky… it liked to FLY!!! ARGH!! I hate cockroaches, and I’m kinda scared of them (probably from the childhood trauma when I was 6 and one sprinted literally across my bed WHILE I WAS IN IT…), and as long as they stay away from me, I’m totally cool. But when it’s fluttering around my room, landing on my stuff, taunting me with its giant twitching feelers, there isn’t much else I can do except squeal in terror and attempt to nuke it with a whole lot of F bombs. Which clearly didn’t work.

Anyway, my brother happened to pass by my room at the time, so he got a roll of newspaper, and before he proceeded on my behalf to whack the bejeezus out of the little devil, I quickly closed the wardrobe door that was kept open by a jacket that needed to be dry-cleaned from 6 months ago. The newspaper attacks started from the top of the white cabinet where I kept some books and other trinkets from traveling, where my Tennessee license plate was displayed together with a Statue of Liberty and a pig with sunglasses, both made from those stress ball kind of material. Together with a Coca Cola football from almost 20 years ago, these items ended up on the floor as my heroic bro removed them to gain access to the monster, and as he whacked at it, there was a little poof of a dust storm.

The cockroach flew across the room to the chest of drawers outside my bathroom, where I had hung a t-shirt and running shorts on one of the handles. It hid between the shirt and the drawer, and after Aaron moved the shirt, the terror ended up on the floor behind extra bottles of liquid Dove and Pantene, and under the drawers. I grabbed my flashlight and followed it under my table, which housed a basket of scented candles I was never going to use and some paintings in an ArtFriend plastic bag that was disintegrating. This was when Aaron seized the opportunity of the space beneath the table to destroy our common enemy (whacking it a few times more than necessary), and it received a watery farewell down the toilet. *insert MAJOR SIGH OF RELIEF*

I wish I had documented the process (like the social media pro that I am, ahem ahem) to better illustrate this little story, but this post really isn’t about the victory over that nasty nasty thing. That really wouldn’t be all that interesting because I’m sure you’ve got your own heroic tales of taking down this vile creature, perhaps even more entertaining than mine. But as I looked over the aftermath of our victory - the stuff strewn on the floor, the dust under the chest of drawers and on top of the cabinet, the hoarder’s paradise beneath my table… the one thought I had was: Why do I have to many things? How did I come to have so many things? And why are they still here?

And that’s just what the eye can see. What I normally pretend not to notice is the wardrobe filled with clothes I don’t wear, the cabinet filled with trinkets that have no use, the junk in the drawers I tell myself I'll use someday, the box full of old journals and stories I wrote from the first half of my life, old photographs from late-teen-early-adult years, old letters from friendships exist now only on Facebook, a bagful of stuffed toys, and earlier artworks and song lyrics that were messy and awkward and abandoned halfway - all signs of a life spend accumulating unused things and unfinished projects. Signs of a half-lived life, halfway gone, and still half-fucked. And if I were to die tomorrow (which, let’s face it, is a very real possibility), who would I leave behind to deal with this mess, and what can they do with it but to get rid of it anyway?

It was ultra clear to me - I can't LIVE like this. I can’t LIVE knowing that someone else would have to clean up after my messes, to continue to pretend that it doesn’t happen, to lead a life filled with unimportant things, unfinished work and half-arsed efforts. The real battles cannot be fought when there are all these incompletions and clutter in the way, all merely distractions, excuses, and self-created obstacles to keep me from what really matters, to keep me from fighting the good fight. And perhaps right now my good fight is about these things, to sort out the messiness of my existence, to cut out the fluff and get to the core of what’s real and what’s truly important.

In the words of one of my literary heroes, Paulo Coelho: "It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn't matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.”

So what do we really need to let go of? Why do we continue to attach ourselves to things that only clutter our worlds and hold us back from our truth? Why does the mess exist in the first place? And even after we declutter and sort things out, how many times would we have to continue this work before the mess is finally gone?

I’m still searching for my answers, and I may never know all of them in this lifetime, but one thing is for sure, I definitely need to de-hoard and declutter, so that at the very least, if I were to encounter a cockroach in my room again, there will be fewer places to hide, and I increase my chances of winning the fight.