PenguinGirl musings: Studio of Self-Love

: Photo contributed by Michael Tan.

Recently I was one of 10 artists selected to participate in the Noise Festival Singapore 2015, as part of an installation showcase called Studio of Wonders. The artists and I set up our respective little cubicles along the theme of "Curiosities" - essentially creating a studio space based on what inspires us and our art.

Well, initially I was gonna write about setting up the installation, post some pictures, the usual stuff, but an unexpected comment on my Instagram post about my Studio of Wonders changed the course of my writing:

(Read what's circled in ORANGE).

: Screenshot of my Instagram post and the comments from a follower.

So I got this comment from @katybobsyouraunty and turns out she thought that this was an area of my studio! My initial thought to that was... Haha I wish!! ... because the space I created looks pretty darn awesome, a far cry from my real-life studio. (It's a mess, and very cluttered, and needs a long overdue spring-cleaning LOL..)

And that was when it hit me - why doesn't my actual studio look like this?

I had spent a month creating the design for this installation, creating new artworks for it, carefully measuring and planning, sketching when I have pockets of time, painting late into the night (as I currently work full-time). Then on a Monday evening, after 9.5 hours at the day job, I spent 3 hours to put this space together, agonizing over whether I should change my original plan, whether the paintings can be seen from the holes... And then ALL OF IT is sealed behind a wall with some tiny holes for people to peek into, and it's quite ironic that I invested much time and energy into this because no one actually gets to see the full extent of what I've created. And that's assuming they're intrigued enough to peek into the holes to begin with. Which again begs the question -

Why did I put in that much effort to create this studio-for-show than the real one in which I work from and look at every single day?

Well, for me, it's a really simple answer. Because besides myself, nobody is there to look at it, so there really isn't a need to beautify it, to care for it, to make it worth spending time in. It's serves its basic purpose as a space I work in, as a space to contain all my art-related stuff and clutter, and that's all I need from it, or so I believe. But tell me that a gallery owner might possibly stop by and take a look, and watch me scramble to fix it up and make it beautiful.

And really, when I faced up to it, it really isn't about the studio. It's a reflection of my own life, and how I love myself. How much time do I really invest into myself, to do something that's purely just for me? To do something that's not about impressing someone else, or living up to a society's expectations. To do something that's important to me simply because it is important to me (whether I'm aware of it it or not), and because I'm worth the investment of my own time, energy and effort.

I know a single mom who took on a 5-week project to redo her master bedroom because it reminded her too much of her failed marriage. It was one of the most difficult things she had to do, because there were always seemingly more important things than her project, like caring for her son, running errands, working over-time... but she stuck to her commitment to herself, and transformed the entire room within 4 weeks. And she felt happier, felt more connected to herself, and it improved her interactions with others, and especially with her son.

We live in a world filled with busy-ness, taking on various commitments to the people or causes that matter to us, constantly running and striving for success in various forms, but what is all of that really for? Who are you trying to impress? What are you really working towards? And if none of your answers is for yourself, your own happiness, or your own growth, then it really begs the question - how are you loving the most important person in the world - YOU?

So I'm about to jump into what's perhaps one of the more confronting projects of my life - to actually turn my real studio in a Studio of Wonders. It's something I've been thinking about ever since the space was created almost 2 years ago, but I never got down to it. I'll be sharing more on that later, so stay tuned for updates, and I hope this inspires you to create something for yourself simply because it just makes you happier. :)

Here are some pictures from setting up on Monday, 14 September 2015. And also pictures of my completed Studio of Wonders. Before it got walled up :(

The exhibition runs from 16 September - 11 October.